Building the House of Life
lessons from Hafiz' wisdom
Emma H. 2017
Around here, whether things are going well or not so, we are careful with our language.
It started 7ish years ago when the then 11 year old and I moved out of the House of Broken Dreams (here’s where the voice over is helpful—it’s hard to convey the humor without adding an emoji and I’m valiantly resisting weaving in emojis) and continues to this day.
At 11 the idea of conscious language was best introduced using a quote from the Persian lyric poet, Hafiz:
The words we speak become the house we live in.
The quote, which we tweaked swapping in create for become and often condo for house, became part of our family vernacular when one of us (usually me) would need an extra boost or reminder we do have the ability to change our circumstances.
The way we speak about what’s happening even if at the time we don’t quite believe it (again, usually me) directly impacts the internal place from which we interpret and define the way we experience life.
If you want to care for something-call it a flower.
If you want to kill something-call it a weed.
During those years I did a *lot* of what felt like 'speaking it till I hoped I would see it.’
Kinda performative for her benefit (‘Oh Girl we are RICH—if rich is measured in friends!’).
A smidge performative for me (‘XXX will totally work out. Good things are always happening to me’).
Hafiz reminds us our words carry power
The words we speak shape our perceptions, alter our perspectives, and define our overall understanding of the quality of our lives.
They Create Awareness:
Through adopting "The words we speak create the house we live in" as a family mantra, we created a consistent sense of awareness regarding the impact of language on our environment.
The quote served and *serves* as a gentle reminder to us both to choose our words mindfully. It has cultivated a family-culture where we pause to consider tone, intention, and implications of our thoughts before articulating them. This awareness not only fosters empathy/understanding, but consistently reminds us we control our destiny.
They Empower Personal Responsibility:
At some point during those childrearing years, all parents learn the lesson that while what we tell our progeny may have power-ideas and suggestions from someone *else* (even the same suggestions!) often carry more weight.
Enter Hafiz, my unknowing parental wingman.
"The words we speak create the house we live in" reminded my tween, then teen and now kidult daughter each individual bears a responsibility for the energy they contribute to their environment.
From family, to work, to relationships to life, the phrase empowers ownership of speech and its consequences. When we acknowledge the role of our words in shaping the atmosphere around us it fosters a sense of personal accountability, encouraging us to actively contribute to a positive environment through intentional language choice.
My 18-year-old now embraces this principle. She demonstrates maturity and thoughtfulness in her verbal expressions contributing to the creation of a nurturing and supportive environment—at home, work and in her relationships.
They Cultivate an Inner Voice
This was and is a big one for me.
The way we speak to our children becomes the house they live in forever: it becomes their inner voice.
Years ago my daughter was in a stressful situation. She called me afterward and said:
I was so stressed but I told myself: you’ve got this, just breathe, you know how to do this.
When I immediately responded: That’s what I would have told you! she said I know, that’s how I knew what to tell myself.
hoping ‘the words I write & tape to her door create the inner-voice she lives with’
Seven years ago the words I spoke did not create the condo I longed to live in.
My goal back then was to slowly and gradually change the words I used on the daily so the house (and new life) I created was aligned with the goals, dreams and *existence* I wanted.
Words which were more windshield than rearview.
Was it easier because I had the added motivation of modeling for her and practicing what I longed to preach? Perhaps.
Was it an effort in the early days to watch what emerged from my wordhole so as not to create a house in which I surely did not want to reside? Heck yes.
The words we (think and) speak become the stories we tell ourselves and create the consistent narrative fabric of our lives.
Now you.
Were you already a Hafiz fan? Had you heard the quote before?
If the words you spoke yesterday created the house you live in today--what might that ‘house’ look like?
As if I needed another reason to opine the gratefulness for your presence in my life. Maybe I knew these words before? Maybe I didn’t? But I know these words now and have lived them the past 8 years because of you. Thank you for your consistent friendship; consistent nudging; consistent not judging; consistent celebrating with me the silver linings and the big wins. ❤️❤️ Our ‘houses’ are much greater today.
I had not heard of Hafiz until today, which is kind of surprising, considering that my late husband studied the mystics religiously (HAH!) toward the end of his life. I'll have to see if he had any books related to Hafiz.
When one thinks of one's body as one's home, the words one says to and about oneself become even more powerful and important. I know I tend to give myself more scoldings than compliments. I'll be working on that.