The Friendship Paradox
no rings, no vows, just vibes
Imagine standing at an altar under a chuppah, heart racing, palms sweaty, about to make a lifelong commitment.
But, instead of gazing into the eyes of a romantic partner, you're face to face with your soulmate BFF.
You clear your throat and solemnly declare:
"I promise to always laugh at your jokes. I vow to never to roll my eyes at the way you can make a single season of Brooklyn 99 last forEVAH. I pledge to be your alibi and excuse when you need to escape awkward social situations and to serve as your co-parent whenever duty calls."
The crowd erupts in cheers, you exchange beaded rings (having promised each other channel set diamond versions when one of you hits the big time) and just like that, you're officially BFFs for life.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?
Yet, when we pause and really think about it, why does this scenario feel so absurd?
We celebrate romantic love with elaborate ceremonies, building entire industries around dating, engagements, and weddings. We've normalized public declarations of commitment before friends and family. Yet, when it comes to friendships—often the foundation of our emotional lives—we chuckle at the thought of grand gestures or formal acknowledgments for these soulmates who've witnessed our lowest moments and still hold us in high regard.
For me these bonds embody the very essence of consistency. Built on foundations sturdy enough to withstand storms, yet flexible enough to adapt to life's inevitable changes.
The most valuable friendships are those that survive our worst moments and catalyze our greatest transformations.
While we may lack formal ceremonies or legal documents to cement our friendships, there are undeniable indicators that signal the depth and commitment of these relationships.
3 questions to consider when reflecting on the strength of platonic bonds:
💍 The Vulnerability Quotient
To what extent do you allow yourself to be wholly vulnerable with this person?
Consider the level of emotional openness you and your friend share. Are you comfortable revealing your fears, insecurities, and deepest hopes? A committed friendship serves as a safe haven where we can expose our authentic selves without fear of judgment or feeling foolish. This mutual vulnerability creates the trust and understanding that is the foundation of lasting connection.
💍 The Longitudinal Perspective
How do you envision this person's role in your life's journey?
Reflect on whether you naturally include this person in your long-term plans and life milestones. A sign of deep friendship is the implicit assumption of a shared future. This doesn't necessarily mean daily interaction; it is an understanding regardless of time or distance your lives will remain interconnected. It's the knowledge you will be there to celebrate each other’s triumphs and support through challenges, not just today, but for years to come.
💍 The Reciprocity of Growth
How does this relationship contribute to your personal evolution, and vice versa?
Examine the ways in which you challenge and inspire each other to become better versions of yourselves. Committed friendships are a delicate balance of acceptance and encouragement. These are the relationships where you feel fully accepted for who you are, yet concurrently inspired to grow. Consider whether you and your friend act as catalysts for each other's personal development, offering honest feedback and unwavering support in equal measure.
Be slow to fall into friendship, but when you are in, continue firm and constant.
Socrates
While there's no putting a ring on it for friendships, no legal contract to sign, no party to mark the transition from people who hang out sometimes to ride-or-die besties for many of us, these are the relationships that sustain us through life's ups and downs and provide a consistent source of support, laughter, and understanding.
Because at least around here a romantic partner might be my Happily Ever After but my BFF? They're my No Matter What.
And you?
Did you laugh at the opening scene OR think Yep. I could totally do that!
Have you found your soulmate BFF or are you in a season of focusing on social fitness?
I found her and lost her. None of us gets out of life alive. My closest friend, who was more like a sister than my biological sister, died this summer. I could not have imagined a more sustaining friendship than ours, and it worked both ways. I struggle now that she's gone, but I'm so very fortunate to have connected with her when I did. She changed my life.