4 Tips for Taking Criticism Without Falling Apart

...or at least not too too much

Whether you listen to the VoiceOver for accessibility, because you’re more of an auditory learner or so you can grab some movement while we’re together—it will consistently be an option.

Photo by Tushar Escape on Unsplash

As a humans we rarely chat about the learned skill of taking CRITICISM.

In my first life I helped women learn and practice how to accept a compliment gracefully.

In that same life I wrote about how deflecting or diminishing a nicety denigrates the giver (never anyone’s intent).

We all too infrequently discuss how much better (take my word for it) and easier (yes! yes!) life is when you DON’T amble through it internalizing criticism as life-ending critique.

you didn’t like my book? no worries!

For me acquiring the skill has been a process.

Now that I possess it (for the most part. I’m human), I see how it’s equally as pivotal for life success & life-happiness as being able to accept kind words from others.

The ability to hear, integrate, and not grow defensive as a result of constructive criticism has helped me grow (as a writer. as a sister, mother, friend.) and deepened bonds of trust in all my relationships.

dislike my body-art? that’s A-OK!

The ability to assimilate criticism well is a learned skill.

I’d not considered the fact the ability to receive constructive feedback was not innate until it came time to teach my child the importance of graciously accepting thoughts/ideas she may *not* wish to hear.

In attempting to explain the concept of constructive criticism to her dawned on me how like a muscle it is.

Taking criticism with aplomb is a trait we need to build *and* keep strengthened in order to maintain (ahh yes. all things in life return back to the concept of Picking Up Heavy Things & Putting Them Back Down).

Before I share my tips it bears clarifying I’m operating on the assumption our criticism-profferer is an individual whose opinion we value OR are compelled to value. A loved-one, family member, friend, boss etc.

4 Tips For Taking Criticism Without Breaking a Sweat:

1. Don’t be my child.

This is the most basic of tips–yet the most commonly done. Don’t lash back at the criticizer. As we’ve with receiving compliments allow yourself to take a moment and sit with the (uncomfortable) words.

Do not reflexively reciprocate with criticism of your own.

2. Listen. Internalize. Do a body-check.

Ask yourself where you feel the *stress* of the critical words? Neck? Pit-of-stomach? Shoulders? Work the mind/muscle connection & focus on relaxing those areas during & after the criticism-experience.

Physical relaxation serves to lessen the mental-stress of the critique.

3. Play the game of “If this weren’t ME…”

Step back & ask yourself what you’d think if the words were *not* directed toward you. I do this with criticism of my writing. I pause, read critiques through lens of Reader NOT Writer & gauge my reaction. The majority of the time my response becomes one of Oh yes! That does improve my message.

4. Remind yourself imperfections do *not* make you a failure.

Progress not perfection. No one is perfect or is born with the ability to receive criticism without breaking stride. When my daughter was young and we’d talk about constructive criticisms she & I would also chat about how my parents “helped” me in this same fashion.

We’d discuss how striving to smooth our rough edges or imperfections does NOT make us failures.

Learning to take constructive criticism without defensiveness has helped me consistently grow. - 54 year old Carla

And you?

When you’re on the receiving end of constructive criticism how do YOU respond?