5 Signs Someone Is Your Person
with a nod to Saul and a wave to Frankie
I fell in love with the Netflix series: Grace and Frankie.
The feeling took me by surprise (never a Jane fan and, while I adore Lily, Martin and Sam, my Jane-dislike was enough to initially deter me from watching).
I’d s-l-o-w-l-y consume each episode pausing frequently to rewind/re-hear conversations or phrases.
(I wanted to be Frankie. Yam lube and all. I kind of became Frankie. But that’s a musing for another day.)
If you’ve never watched F&G the premise is simple:
Fonda and Tomlin become unlikely friends after their husbands announce they’ve fallen in love with each other.
It sounds slapstick. It was most definitely not.
In one episode the newlywed husbands become estranged.
Saul launches a voicemail campaign to get Robert back and, in the course of 80 rambling messages, announces:
I need you. You’re my person.
The comment made my eyes go wide (and I’m sure pause the show. again. it’s good I watched alone).
The line resonated deeply with me.
I knew in the very fabric of my being what Saul meant by those words.
I knew how hard it was to find your person and how, when you did, you clung (and pestered with relentless apologetic voice-mails) and did not let go.
Recently I had a full day of out-of-the-house presentations for my typically WFH job.
I returned home to an exuberant You’re my person!! greeting from my goldendoodle.
As his tail and booty wagged vigorously, I considered how easy it is to identify your person when you’re an animal.
I love him. I feed him. I play with him. I walk him. I feed him. I’m his person.
Everything feels more complicated when you’re an adult biped.
The signs are often there, yet we need to search for them and (if you’re anything like I am) be cognizant of what we’re looking for.
Your person won’t necessarily be a romantic partner or even someone your same age.
The crucial element in identifying one’s person?
An almost overwhelming sense the relationship’s connection and commitment defy definition.
📌 They intuitively know when something is wrong…and when not to ask about it
This human knows when you require time to process versus when you need to download everything STAT.
When your person gives you space it never hurts your feelings.
You’re aware it’s a choice on their part.
You know when you decide you’re ready your person is there waiting to listen.
📌 Things aren’t official until they know
This is a big one and one which consistently shows up on my life.
It can feel as though there’s an interminable gap between when something good (or excruciatingly painful) happens and we can share it with our person.
To our minds the event hasn’t really occurred until they know, they’ve shared in our joy/sadness, they’ve had a chance to weigh in and add perspective.
📌 They are unflaggingly honest in the most kind of ways
Your person doesn’t believe in white lies so as not to hurt feelings.
That said, you’re a team.
They consistently present a united front in public and will call you lovingly on your bullshit in private.
Your person is candid (whether you seek it or not) and won’t let you lie to yourself, either.
They love you enough to invest the time honesty often entails.
📌 You’re never lonely when with you’re with them
I valiantly resist the word never, but with this I know never to be true.
It doesn’t mean your person always “gets you” immediately or understands you completely, however interaction with your person never results in that alone in a crowd feeling.
Whether chatting or silent there always exists always a thread of connection.
📌 You have a shared language
It’s a love language, a language of encouragement with a slathering of inappropriate or irreverent (just me?) on top.
It’s a language born from history, shared experiences and there-from-birth commonalities.
When I got divorced one of the biggest sadnesses was the loss of the person who knew the stories and shared the language of that 23 year span of my life.
I knew I’d found my person when she began to use this same language with me.
When our shared history became such that she knew the jokes, was aware of the stories, and felt connected to me (as I to her) and consistently remind me of this intimate bond and connection.
Our Person offers a mirror in which we see our best and truest selves reflected
As I wrote this and reflected on life in general, I began to wonder if social media has begun to replace the concept of having a person for some of us?
I see people joke: Did it really happen if it’s not shared on multiple social platforms?
I watch as we (the royal) seek feedback/support from places like Facebook and muse if social media as a whole has replaced a singular “person” for many?
For me, at least today I require more connection than social media provides. It wouldn’t be enough.
And you?
Do you have “a person?” Or multiple people you look to for support depending on the need?
Do you think social media is replacing the idea of a soulmate friend or person?
Also … I LOVED Grace and Frankie. I very much envied Frankie's wardrobe. And follicles.
The older one gets, the more persons one has. This is necessary, because the older one gets, the more one's persons die. My person – my AA sponsor, and the one who knew everything about me and to whom I could go for anything – died in 2011. My next person – my husband – died in 2022. I know that as I continue to age, I will find more persons and I will also lose some.
For me, at this stage of life, it isn't about having a person who knows all, to whom I can tell all, or from whom I get what I need. It's about knowing I'm not now and won't ever be alone. Those who have gone before me are still with me. And still will be when I'm ready to follow them.