Selecting our Struggles

💪 3 essential questions for voluntary struggle-seekers 💪

Photo by DJ Johnson on Unsplash

Last week we established embracing voluntary struggle plays a key role in human happiness.

But not all struggles are created equal, right?

After the post a number of you messaged asking how we know we're investing our time and energy in the *right* struggles or challenges?

Quite frankly all I know is what I've lived and what has worked for my clients. And, while personal experience and client success stories aren't scientific studies, they do offer some insights.

I've seen patterns emerge over the years. Certain types of challenges consistently lead to growth, fulfillment, and yep, happiness and these observations have shaped my perspective on meaningful struggle. So, while I can't r e a l l y claim universal truths, I can share what I've found to be effective time and time again (AKA consistently).

3 essential questions to ask when deciding if a struggle is worth embracing:

📌 Does this align with my core values and long-term goals?

The first step is to evaluate how well a challenge aligns with your fundamental beliefs and aspirations.

Ask yourself:

• Would overcoming this bring me closer the Future Self I’m trying to create?

• Is this struggle in service of a goal that really matters to me?

• Will I still care about the outcome of this struggle one year from now? Five years from now?

If the challenge doesn't resonate with your core values or contribute to creating your dreamed about Future Self, it might not be the right battle to choose. 

Remember, the most fulfilling struggles are those that help shape us into the persons we aspire to become.

📌 Am I growing or simply suffering?

Growth often involves discomfort, not all discomfort leads to growth. 

There’s a b i g difference between productive struggles and needless suffering. 

Ask yourself:

• Even though it’s hard—am I learning new skills?

• Is this struggle pushing me out of my comfort zone in a way that expands my capabilities?

• Am I able to identify specific ways I'm improving or gaining valuable experience?

If you find yourself caught in a cycle of 'choosing' the same difficulties without any sense of progress or learning, it's time to pause and reflect.

Are you embracing voluntary struggles or repeatedly falling into familiar traps disguised as challenges?

The right struggles will feel like a uphill climb, yet simultaneously be rewarding.

📌 Is this within my control to influence or overcome?

Empowerment is a critical factor in struggle selection (thank you Kenyon for my love of alliteration). 

Ask yourself:

• Do I have the ability to affect the outcome through my actions?

• Are there clear steps I can take to work towards overcoming this challenge?

• If I can't control the outcome entirely, can I at least control my response to the situation?
  

The most productive ‘struggles’ are those where our efforts make a tangible difference. This doesn't mean the outcome is guaranteed; it DOES mean our actions can influence the results.

Embracing the right struggle is about finding the sweet spot where challenge meets purpose and the difficulty faced is in service of becoming the best version of ourselves.

The next time you’re confronted with a challenging situation ask yourself these three questions and sit with/think about your answers.

Our aim isn't to eliminate all difficulties from life—that's neither possible nor desirable (even though today it sounds great). Instead, it's about selecting struggles wisely - ones that make us grow, align with our values, and offer a sense of agency. These are the challenges that, while demanding, leave us energized not depleted.

Let’s do this.

Our Future Selves already thank us for it.