Bridging the Empathy Gap
your Future Self thanks you
The journey toward achieving long-term goals can feel like an uphill battle.
Sisyphean.
We set ambitious targets: create a stronger friend-community! learn Kiswahili! yet struggle to stay motivated and committed in the present.
I’d love to step up and suggest plans for the group but I’m streaming an episode of The Resident. And really, do I care about community all that much??
OR
I know I’ll be glad I was consistent when I next head to Kenya, but Today-Carla’s brain is tired. It’s fine if I skip Duolingo again.
The root of these struggles lies in the empathy gap—the disconnect between our present and Future Selves.
When we understand and close this gap, we unlock the key to consistent goal achievement and making our way to the Future Selves we desire.
🧠 Understanding the Empathy Gap
The empathy gap is a cognitive bias that causes us to perceive our Future Selves as distant, like strangers. This disconnect reduces our motivation to make difficult choices now for long-term benefits. When we have no emotional bonds with who we'll become, it’s f a r too easy to prioritize immediate gratification over future advantages.
We’ve all experienced this whether we gave it a name or not.
When choosing between saving for retirement or taking a trip, our present self might be all about the "yay, vacation!" moment, putting off thinking about long-term financial security for a Future Self who doesn’t feel real right now.
Or, if you reside in my domicile, you may hear muttered by my 18 year-old:
I’m too tired to do this right now. It’s a problem for Future-Emma.
This disconnect reveals itself in various areas of our lives, from health and fitness to career and relationships. We may struggle to stick to PUHT & PTBD because the benefits to our Future Self seem abstract and far-off. We may think: future me will be *fine* hoisting her carry-on into the overhead bin when she’s old. Or someone will offer to help.
Similarly, we may procrastinate on important projects or neglect relationships because those consequences, too, feel distant and intangible.
For years, 47 to be exact, I lived with the backdrop of: 'Why should I bother helping someone I can’t even imagine?' until, finally, I bridged the gap in my own life and transformed my perspective.
1998-Carla could not imagine her 2024 Future Self
🤏 Bridging the Empathy Gap
Closing this gap is essential for improving overall decision-making not only for our Future Selves.
By bridging this cognitive divide we can make informed choices that positively impact our long-term well-being.. If I can do it, anyone can.
To narrow the empathy gap and foster a stronger connection with your Future Self, consider implementing these strategies:
🪞 Visualize your Future Self:
Spend time envisioning in detail what future YOU is like.
What’s the pattern of a day in their life? What do they do for work? What are their priorities?How do they feel about the life they are leading? What have they accomplished?
Reflecting on these and related questions helps develop a vivid mental picture of you in the future. This practice enables us to connect emotionally with our Future Selves which, in turn, increases our motivation to make decisions that support them.
💌 Write letters to your Future Self
Engage in a dialogue with future you by writing letters addressed to them.
Share your current struggles, aspirations, and praise them for how they have already persevered and overcome. This exercise fosters a sense of accountability to future you.
Yes (this can feel awkward).
YES (it works!).
Here’s a sample framework:
Dear Future Carla,
I'm writing from a place of uncertainty and hope. I'm struggling with XXX. It feels overwhelming and I'm not certain if I'm on the right path.
Despite this, I still have dreams of XXX and am working to make progress, even when it's difficult.
I want you to know how proud I am of you for persevering. You've shown strength and resilience. By the time you read this, I *know* you’ll have overcome obstacles that feel insurmountable now.
Remember every step you've taken, every setback you've faced, has shaped you into the person you are now. Your journey matters, and I'm cheering you on from the past.
Keep pushing forward. I believe in you.
🤔 Make decisions as your Future Self
When I owned a personal training studio, I encouraged clients to dress up for Halloween and ‘get into character’ around who they’d shared with me they dreamed of becoming through our time together.
Construct a narrative I prompted them to ask themselves, "What's my motivation? Why do I care about the goals I’ve set?"
Create a backstory "What would goal-me eat? How would I dress and what would this reveal about how I view myself and my life right now? How would I sit, walk, etc.?"
Behave as the character...for Halloween and hopefully beyond. I noticed clients embodied their characters not just for the holiday, but often for the weeks and months that followed.
The same approach can be done with our Future Selves.
One of the most courageous conversations we can have is with our Future Self.
The journey to becoming our desired Future Self is not merely about setting goals and consistently working hard. It's about bridging the gap between who we are and who we aspire to be.
When we cultivate compassion for our present struggles and connect emotionally with our future potential, we unlock motivation, quiet consistency and resilience.
I know this.
I live this and the empathetic approach transformed my path from that sisyphean struggle into meaningful evolution.
Take a moment to imagine yourself 5 years from now.
What would that version of you want to say to you today?
Consider getting vulnerable and sharing a message from your Future Self in the comments.