What’s on your laundry tag?
short, simple, clear, concise
I’m pretty prideful about the fact I ask for what I need.
Specifically and in the moment.
For some reason it’s always been pretty clear to me if I don’t ask I won’t receive.
I can’t read your mind or intuitively know what *you* want—why on earth would I assume you’d be able to do that for me?
I’ve also learned asking isn’t a guarantee I’ll get what I seek, but if I don’t ask it’s practically a guarantee I wont.
So I ask.
Frequently.
You’ll never wonder what’s on my mind.
Long day of focused work and feeling wobbly about content I’ve created?
“Tell me I rock & my words are amazing! Say something like: You’re too close to see how good it is!”
All fancied-up for an offsite presentation and feeling a little awkwardtastic?
“Tell me I look bad-ass and yet still completely like myself. Remind me I feel wonky because I rarely get dressed up”
Working 24/7 but still bringing home the bacon in the form of…tiny bacons?
“Tell me it’s not always about the money. Remind me it’s about the people we meet and help along the way.”
My process is simple.
Clearly ask for what I need
Offer examples the other person might use/say back to me
Receive/listen
Become utterly content
My process is not brief.
My ability to capture precisely what I need in words may be commendable, but the circuitous way I go about it is not.
I lose people as I ramble.
If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.
Albert Einstein
All of this became clear to me recently as I searched for the laundry tag in a newly purchased piece of clothing.
I located the tag, skimmed, and quickly knew how to care for my new leggings.
It dawned on me I was not the same way and, if I couldn’t ‘laundry tag’ my emotional wants, perhaps I didn’t grasp them well enough.
Perhaps *I* needed to invest time distilling them to their most basic essence—for me.
I did.
And this is what I came up with:
Lots of laughter
Being acknowledged and heard
Connection with community
Ten words.
It was challenging to catalog my most basic emotional desires in a terse enough fashion they’d metaphorically fit on a hang-tag.
It forced me to prioritize.
I began with a veritable laundry list (to beat a metaphor to death) and eliminated from there.
Ask for what you need, directly and simply. Clarity is strength.
What did I learn from this exercise?
✔️ Be clear and concise—in all facets of life
The exercise was a reminder if I don’t know exactly what I want or need no one else will either. I’d become frustrated with people not offering me what I thought I’d asked for, yet it hadn’t occurred to me I wasn’t sharing with them in words they could understand.
Non-rambling, verbose ones, anyway.
✔️ Be bold and brazen
It’s easy with the laundry tag exercise to think “I’d want that and I’d put it on my tag, but in reality it won’t happen. I’ll leave it off.”
You may be right, but not articulating/asking for what we need guarantees we won’t receive.
✔️ It’s a mini-vision board
I’ve begun visualizing my ‘tag’ hanging on the insides of my clothing (I’m wacky that way).
Through doing this I’m consistently sending out into the world cues as to what I desire.
It has already begun flowing back to me.
✔️ Don’t settle for what’s offered
...when you’ve not asked for what you truly want!
In this exercise we’re addressing emotional needs, yet the concept is applicable throughout all facets of our lives.
ASK.
Clearly state what you want. Don’t settle for only what’s offered.
✔️ Read other people’s labels
When we are empathetic we feel connected.
When I’ve facilitated women’s groups I’ve consistently heard lamented a general feeling of disconnect.
We’re all in this together. Make the time to read the tags of the important people in your life.
Ask clearly for what you need; clarity breeds results.
I learned a great deal about myself through making up and doing this exercise.
I forced myself to succinctly identify what contributes to my emotional wellness (when trimming my list I’d weigh with regards to importance to me, eliminate the lesser & continue) and realized I’d not really known before after-all.
Even with *all* my verbose rambling.
And you?
If you created a self-care laundry tag—what would it say?
Please tell me you, too, have ceased reading real laundry tags and cram everything in the washer at once?
I love this piece and this idea, Carla! As for my tag - this is after 10 seconds of thought but I’m an over-thinker so let’s see what rolls out. 1) hold close 2) appreciate quirks & flaws 3) allow to move freely
I pretty much DO cram everything into the washer at once. Cool water. Shake out wrinkle-prone pieces and hang them if I think they'll shrink.
As for my own tag … well, you probably know the first line-item is "say yes." I will add "ask for what you want," as you suggested, because I've started doing that in a very baby-step way, and it's working.
The thing that seems most important in my head, but which I haven't translated into action, is to employ my hands to be creative or useful. Think … gardening, painting, household chores.
Thanks, as always, for engaging my brain AND my heart.