Happiness IS the struggle

the goal of voluntary difficulties

Photo by Wafer WAN on Unsplash

We've heard it before: if things are going well, life should feel easy.

We're told happiness comes from a state of ease and flow, where everything clicks effortlessly into place.

It's a comforting notion, isn't it?

It was for me. I loved the promise of if I was on the right track, the universe would snap into alignment and I’d glide through the rest of my life with minimal resistance.

(cue movie montage)

But here’s the thing, this belief really is fundamentally flawed. The reality is, genuine, sustainable happiness isn't found in the absence of challenges. It's not a byproduct of ease or flow. Our deepest, most fulfilling sense of happiness emerges from something entirely different: struggle.

Happiness is a byproduct of struggle.

Before dismissing this as counterintuitive as I did for so many years, let's look at what it means when applied to our lives. I’m not advocating for needless suffering or actively seeking out misery (that sounds terrible), but rather exploring the concept of voluntary challenge. Challenges which arise from pushing boundaries, embracing that space between what was & what will be, and facing all the difficult tasks most of us prefer to avoid.

In my experience, the happiest individuals aren't those who’ve lead lives of comfort, but those who consistently engage in voluntary struggle—pushing themselves beyond perceived limitations and embracing the discomfort that accompanies growth.

Humans who:

💪 Don't shy away from difficult conversations

💪 Prioritize focused, sometimes scary work, resisting the squirrel! call of distraction

💪 Consistently carve out moments of stillness/reflection in busy lives, facing fears head-on

When we begin to view life through this lens, everything shifts.

That daunting project at work? A chance to stretch skills and prove capabilities.

The early alarm for a workout? An opportunity to build discipline and improve health.

The awkward conversation you've been dreading? A pathway to a deeper, more authentic relationship.

Happiness is intrinsically linked to growth; growth doesn't happen in our comfort zone.

So how do we do this in a tangible way?

Let's break down the process into three key components to begin to form the habit:

📌 AFTER (trigger)

The AFTER component serves as our trigger or spark💥

It's a specific event or action that prompts us to engage in a chosen habit of voluntary difficulty. This trigger should be something that happens with regularity in our daily routine.

Example: AFTER I wake up...

📌 IMMEDIATELY (action)

The IMMEDIATELY component represents the action we'll take - our new habit of voluntary suffering. It's r e a l l y important to perform this action right after the trigger (no overthinking!).

Example: ...I'll IMMEDIATELY get out my yoga mat and stretching...

📌 THANKS (reward)

The THANKS component is the positive outcome or feeling we experience from completing our habit. As we know from life-experience THIS will reinforce our behavior and motivate us to continue.

Example: ...THANKS TO THAT I'll feel relief when it's done (it’s ok to be glad we’re done!) and a sense of pride I actually did it.

Putting the 3 pieces together we get:

AFTER I wake up, I'll IMMEDIATELY get out my yoga mat for stretching, THANKS TO THAT I'll feel relief when it's done and a sense of pride I actually did it.

Let's explore a few more examples to illustrate how versatile this approach can be. This is one the Kidult and I have been working on together:

Budgeting and Saving:

AFTER I receive my paycheck, I'll IMMEDIATELY transfer 10% of it into my savings account. THANKS TO THAT I'll build my emergency fund and feel secure about my financial future.

These next two are common struggles for many of us where using AFTER, IMMEDIATELY, and THANKS TO THAT creates a plan for consistent action and follow through.

Healthy Eating:

AFTER I prepare lunch I'll IMMEDIATELY add a smattering of raw veggies on the side, THANKS TO THAT I'll feel proud of my continued commitment to health.

Strength Training:

AFTER I arrive home from work, I'll IMMEDIATELY do my 20-minute weights session, THANKS TO THAT I'll feel energized and recommitted to maintaining my fitness habit.

If you want an easy life, do hard things. If you want a hard life, do easy things.

Naval Ravikant

The key to success with this method is consistency. Start with small, manageable actions and gradually increase the challenge as you build your "voluntary suffering" muscle. (I know, the name is terrible, right?)

Those who have known me for a while know I’m a big believer in prioritizing pleasure. This life-approach isn't about denying ourselves that it's about recognizing sustainable happiness only comes from a sense of progress.

So, the next time you find yourself facing a challenge, resist the human urge to seek the easy way out.

Embrace the suck.

Fall in love with the hard.

Your Future Self—happier, stronger, and more resilient—already thanks you for it.