Introverts, Extroverts, & Me

do you recharge thru sound or silence?

recharging carla circa 1992

I've written before about how I view myself as an ambivert.

It's like this: even though I can feel like an introvert, when I really look at what defines the personality types, I realize I don't fit neatly into either box.

Take small talk, for instance.

I know for many introverts, it’s often seen as the bane of social interaction—superficial, draining, and even pointless. Susan Cain talks about this in her book Quiet, where she describes how introverts tend to prefer deeper, more meaningful conversations over the light, surface-level chatter that small talk usually involves. But for me, it’s a bit different.

I don’t mind small talk.

In fact, I’ve found it to be pretty revealing about who someone is and what they care about. You can learn a lot about a person by how they navigate those seemingly insignificant exchanges (see also: dating at 55 & Bumble). Small talk, in my experience, is often a gateway to something more meaningful—a chance to feel things out before tackling substantial subjects. So, while I understand why many introverts might not love it, for me it’s an opportunity to begin connection in a lighter, less intense way.

Additionally, when it comes to learning new things, I'm more a jump in and try! person than the hang back and watch type. That trait may seem extroverted, yet it’s really about my curiosity/interest in engaging with new experiences (not always the people).

Whether introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, each person’s unique balance between solitude and social shapes their path to fulfillment and connection.

When it comes to recharging, however, I’m firmly in the introvert camp.

While extroverts gain energy from socializing, introverts need solitude or quiet to recharge. Susan Cain’s book Quiet emphasizes how excessive social interaction can deplete introverts, making quiet key for renewal. This resonates with me.

After a day of socializing—whether with friends, family, or strangers—the only way I can refill my tank is through silence. And, while solo quiet time is amazing, I’ve also discovered being in a small group where everyone is absorbed in her own activities can be just as rejuvenating. My need for quiet is so strong I was incredulous anyone could or would choose to recharge in the midst of noise. Curious, I polled friends and was surprised to learn that, yep, some people seek stimulation to refuel.

Cain's exploration of how introverts and extroverts are wired differently helped me understand this is more than just a preference—it's a fundamental aspect of how I function.

In fact, listening to my noise-loving friends talk about why they seek sound to rejuvenate helped me understand why I'm a silence seeker.

Here's what I figured out:

🤫 Silence is my stress-buster

Even when I'm enjoying myself, too much chattery-activity can feel overwhelming, especially at events or conferences with lots of loud conversations and sensory overload. My body registers this as stress. Even if I'm out there having *fun* I need pauses with quiet to de-stress before I can keep going.

🤫 Silence is daydream time

I strongly believe in balancing social interaction with downtime for our minds. Daydreaming (or more aptly put allowing myself to be bored) is my way of recharging.

Letting my mind wander after spending a lot of time socializing may seem aimless, but it's actually quite productive. It helps me process interactions and sparks my creativity. This idea aligns with how introverts often have a rich inner life that flourishes during moments of reflection and solitude. I may not be entirely introvert—my inner life is ‘there’ and not exactly rich—I need this.

🤫 Silence is my intermission

For me silence is a daily respite from the nonstop action of life.

Society talks about being brave by tackling challenges and getting things done, yet the boldest move I make each day is listening when my body asks for a moment of quiet.

Embracing silence is not only a retreat from noise it’s a catalyst for productivity, allowing clarity and creativity to emerge from stillness.

Once I've had my "slice of silence" (as our family vernacular calls it), I'm refreshed and ready to re-engage with the world.

I see silence as a luxury.

I view it as restorative.

And you?

Forget all the introvert, extrovert, and ambivert mishegas for a moment.

What recharges you: sound or silence?