Life inside the bubble...

it isn't JUST for parenting any more

Whether you listen to the VoiceOver for accessibility, because you’re more of an auditory learner or so you can grab some movement while we’re together—it will consistently be an option.

my mental image of The Bubble.

UPDATE: This was originally published eight years ago. To my surprise, The Bubble not only continued here until she turned 18— the concept is still going strong with coaching clients and friends as a way for humans in their lives to say:

I need to share some stuff and I need to just talk and you to only listen.

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A few weeks ago I gave a presentation about the toxic nature of secrets.

In that same talk, I chatted about employing The Bubble in my parenting. 

I shared how I use it as a place my eight year old asks to enter and can dump out any secrets she’s been holding.

After more than a few audience members asked for details around what The Bubble is, how we use it, at what age we began using it and if I think it’s working this was born.

I give you:

Parenting inside The Bubble.

Essentially, The Bubble resembles a child-friendly cone of silence.

At absolutely any time my daughter may ask to enter and talk about what’s on her mind.

The Bubble is about connection.

I shared the idea with eight-year-old her in this fashion:

As you get older you may have things you really want to share with me, but are afraid.

You may be scared you’ll get in trouble. You may worry I’ll be disappointed. When you have those feelings—ask to go inside The Bubble. Anything you say inside there we leave there when we exit.

The Bubble is like Vegas. 

For now, what happens inside stays inside as long as she’s not talking about hurting herself or others.

The Bubble provides a safe place to go and share without focusing only on fear of judgement or repercussion.

The Bubble has a clear beginning (asking to go in lets me know she needs to talk. immediately) and a clear ending (the time for talking about the issue, at least for now, is officially over).

The Bubble is silly.

To everyone’s shock, given how much time she spends with her sweet-tongued mama, my child has a trash mouth. She studiously avoids what we have categorized as really bad words (stupid, retarded, hate etc ), but adores a well-placed FUCKEN (sic).

It’s our love language.

It’s her way of telling me in a given moment how powerfully she is feeling affection. Initially, The Bubble was summoned only to shout things like I FUCKEN love you! or You’re FUCKEN awesome! without receiving the side-eye. I didn’t mind as it cracked me the hell up was proof she grasped the concept.

The Bubble is about trust-building and learning.

The Bubble is about her learning to trust me now when stuff isn’t as big as it may be later.

The Bubble is about her learning to trust herself with regards to when and what to share.

The Bubble is about learning it’s not good to hold everything inside.

The Bubble is about learning when we shine light on our fears they’re not as bad as we believe and when we share our burdens they grow lighter.

her mental image of The Bubble.

As of now she’s only used The Bubble for only a handful of serious things.

I realize life is pretty easy and “serious” for age ten isn’t where it might be even six months from now.

Do I imagine at age 13 she’ll ask to go in The Bubble and share heavy stuff from Middle School?

Quite frankly I don’t think so, but it’s all about this Catherine Wallace quote for me:

I recognize an older child may not share as readily.

I hope, however, memories of feeling free to share what feels like big stuff with me now may make it more likely she’ll bring the truly bigbig stuff to me later.

Inside The Bubble or not.

Now you.

• Did your parents use anything resembling The Bubble?

• From work Teams to life-Teens: how are you striving to lay the communication-foundation with those around you?