Compliment Clubs
5 swift steps to simply saying thanks
Years ago I read about a group of women who created a Compliment Club.
Ala the movie Fight Club (book by the awesomely quirky Chuck Palahniuk) the women created rules for a group whose sole purpose was showing up and showering others with niceties.
Giving compliments is important; knowing how to receive compliments is pivotal.
I’m great at the former.
No real filter + being unapologetically myself = I sprinkle compliments like…sprinkles to friends and strangers alike.
The latter?
Not only do I possess rockstar status, I save compliments when possible (I have a paper file and a screenshot album) to yank back out when I feel ‘less than.’
compliment screenshot file
Accepting Compliments 101: the course we all need
📌 Pause and listen
HEAR the compliment.
Don’t allow yourself to immediately respond with ‘it’s nothing’ or ‘I usually screw everything up. I was lucky!’
Sit with the praise given no matter how uncomfortable or ‘unworthy’ you may feel.
If the compliment feels uncomfortable take time, in the moment or later, to ask yourself *why* you might feel embarrassed/unworthy of this specific praise. Perhaps grow curious around what past experience(s) may influenced your reaction to the kind words which leads us to:
📌 Remember kindness is behind compliments
When you brush off a nicety you are, in essence, denigrating the compliment giver.
(reread that. memorize it.)
You’re putting the compliment-offerer in the position of defending their (kind) judgement (of you).
By reflexively launching into a list of what you perceive to be weaknesses you both end up feeling uncomfortable.
This wasn’t, I guarantee, the compliment-givers intention.
No matter your feeling in the moment, perhaps try smiling in a way which conveys appreciation for the intent behind the words.
📌 Respond honestly to the praise
While I urge you to accept the compliment there is nothing wrong with explaining the what or why behind what you were complimented about!
One woman, whom I complimented for staying exceedingly calm while her child had a public meltdown, explained she was trying an entirely new approach after having gotten to her wits end with parenting.
She shared she was v-e-r-y calm merely because it was her first time trying the tactic.
Explain if you want (“Thanks! I never plan my outfit but I did this morning. Glad it worked!”) but avoid allowing the explanation to transition into listing your (perceived) faults.
📌 Practice. Practice. Practice
Is accepting a compliment not yet your strongest trait?
Are you the sort who immediately needs to return the sentiment (not necessarily a bad thing) or put yourself down?
Try repeating these phrases as you look in a mirror.
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you, I’m honored by your words.
Thank you, I admire you so your praise means a great deal.
Thank you, I really tried hard on this one!
📌 Be a child
Young children are often how we adult humans should aspire to be: confident and often overly so.
Pay attention the next time you hear/see a child receive a compliment. Watch how they accept the words. Chances are not only will they happily receive the praise, they will point out other things they do well, too.
We adults may not feel comfortable going quite that far—but a bit of child-like confidence couldn’t hurt.
compliment screenshot file
I find the notion of a Compliment Club bittersweet.
I love the mental image of gangs of women complimenting strangers and offering opportunity for them to practice the skills above.
It saddens me we need reminders to compliment, yet perhaps this nudge will make niceties a reflexive act again.
And you?
Do you struggle to “receive” when it comes to compliments?
When was the last time you complimented a total stranger?